That's what I am at is mommy thing. Baby K woke up with a fever this AM, stayed away all day and just returned late this PM. I was literarily so scared and went into panic mode. In fact, I was still pretty labile and teary eyed just now. Oh my goodness, crazy thoughts ran into my head, like what if ICAB hears about this, will they change their minds! Am I a bad mother, I've had her for less than two weeks and now she's sick? Will her foster parents be shaking their head thinking, "tsk, tsk, tsk, she never got sick with us". Will this be mentioned in the post-placement home studies? Will I be the totally incompetent mom, because instead of chartering a private plane, I brought my child home in a commercial plane with hundreds of other people, who all seem like coughing or sniffling or sneezing??? How dare me!!!!
But prayer is awesome and the Lord's palpable presence in our home and family continues to be my saving grace and salvation from my anxious heart. These worries from moment to moment just get such a grip of me. There is such a pressure that I feel to do right by this beautiful beautiful child. I just love her so much that I hurt for her. But I know that I need to trust that God is the mighty healer of all healers and right now, He has His mighty hands on my little girl. I need to continue to trust in Him and not my uncertain" rookie mommy" skills. With the Lord's continued guidance, Edward and I would become the parents that He has ordained for baby K.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Whew! What a night!! Today, baby K is a bit under the weather with a stuffy nose and a slight fever. I called on a couple of very experienced mommy friends of mine to keep the first time mommy anxieties under control! Thanks to my two good friends, I was able to keep some clarity to take care of my sweet baby girl. Edward did a market run this evening for Pedialyte freezer pops and saline nasal spray. He also got a medicine dropper which I am convince is the greatest invention ever! So, got some medicine in our girl which seem to take care of her fever. I fed her dinner and she ate well. I put her down at eight but only slept for an hour because her stuffed up nose made her very uncomfortable. I cleaned her cute little nose, rocked her to sleep again and she stayed asleep again for another hour. Then the pattern continued two more times. The last time she got up, we gave her another dose of medicine. Little did we know, she would become extremely hyper from it. So, she is feeling better but wants to be up and playing. She is asking for her iPad and YouTube videos. I gave her to her techie father and I will rest that he's got this. It's not about routines tonight. It's about self-preservation for mommy and at the same time, Daddy can win some brownie points from baby K! I'm bushed and going to catch some zzzzzz while Daddy does his thing. I'm hoping he will get her to sleep sometime in the next hour, we'll see. Currently, they are singing the alphabet song...oy!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sweetness is the word in our family! Baby K is so amazingly sweet. Her head smells so pungently sweet with the mixed scent of baby shampoo and her sweaty little head after running around while playing. Or the smell I get when kissing her cheek, which is a combination of sweet milky breath and baby lotion. Then she has the sweetest smile which lights up her entire face! But the sweetest of all is her voice when she says, "Mommy, I love you"...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Today is baby K's foster sister's birthday. She helped take care of her while she was growing up. We just hope her birthday is as joyful as it can be considering that she is missing baby K terribly. She emailed me to say that though bittersweet, it is the best gift knowing baby K now has a family of her own. How wonderful is that. Truly, we didn't just gain our daughter, we gained a family in her foster family!
Friday, February 11, 2011
...are more comfortable than I thought! Hello blogging world!!! You probably don't want to know, but I'm blogging to you in a T-shirt and my husband's comfy briefs!!! It seems that we left home so quickly and in a whirlwind that I showed up here with the clothes on my back with barely enough extra necessities. Yes, we are in Makati...lots of malls and services abound late into the night. But, when it's Friday night at 8:30pm and the lights are out and I've just rocked a 30 pound toddler to sleep while singing lullabies until my arms were slightly numb, I've learned quickly that you pick your battles. When a sleepy and tired momma finds out that her first pair of pajamas are bring laundered and the second pair became a victim of the wet towel thrown in the hamper, one must take drastic measures. Not to summon the driver to take me to a perfectly good open mall, not walk over next door and ask my gracious friend who's hosting us to loan me one, or walk down to the laundry room to check if the first ones are dried or maybe just sleep in my own underwear (not an option because our friends 8 year old likes to pop in at times to see the baby). No...those things would take effort and precious energy. I looked wearily at my husband and said the magic words: "Can I please borrow your underwear?". He looks at me slightly bewildered and recoils a bit. But he gets it. We're both tired and ain't no way either of us are leaving this house at this ungodly hour of 8pm on a Friday to look for pajamas for me! Dear God, no way! So, Edward walks over to our shared suitcase (yes, we brought ONE suitcase) and grabs one of his briefs and hands it over to me with a slightly perturbed face! I look at it hesitantly at first. It's slightly more material than I'm used to but whattaheck, it's all I got! So, I donn the cotton, granny panty resembling undies and took the plunge. For a minute, my body felt a bit disoriented but immediately, the sense of pacifying comfort came over me! I think I might have even heard angels singing! Wow! I'm totally digging these! So, the baby is asleep, I didn't have to exert anymore energy, I could continue to cuddle her and watch her sleep...all in my comfy new pajamas! So friends who will be traveling after me to pick up their kiddos. Please pack enough pajamas...unless of course, you would like to have this heavenly experience with men's underwear!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Squealed an exuberant baby K when she saw Edward!!! Edward and I are finding that we now work in shifts! He takes a shower during baby K's morning play outside, then we try to switch off! Key word there is try...though I didnt get a shower in yesterday until dinnertime! Yikes! So, yesterday, he took a shower and was away from us for about 15 minutes, We were outside watching the birds before her morning nap and I had her in my arms. Then I hear an exuberant squeal..."Daddy"!!! Followed by arms flailing and reaching towards Edward, as he was walking towards us! It's a moment that will forever be ingrained in my memory! I will surely cherish for a lifetime, that in 72 hours, we have become baby K's Mommy and Daddy, the fortunate people that God entrusted this little angel with. I am grateful for the peace that Jesus has put in my heart. It's as if, I was always meant to do this...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I have forgotten what life was before this sweet beautiful little girl! In an instant, she changed our lives forever. If you've been around me during this process, I have often compared the adoption process with the gestation of an elephant. It has been a long journey to this point...but it's funny because I now barely remember it! I don't know if it's the lack of sleep but the I800's, I800a, notice of actions, USCIS, and whatever other hurdles there were...are just a memory now. The headache I had from sorting out forms has been replaced by a pleasant lightheadedness when I smell baby K's sweet milk breath. The finger cramps from filling out the dossier has been soothed by her chubby little fingers that holds my hand while we are out for walks or sleeping. The memories of multiple meltdowns on mommy's part has been calmed by the sound of a squealing toddler who called me momma out of the blue yesterday evening while she played on my lap. So in 72 hours, my life has become about fluffy cheeks, sweet milk breath, chubby little toes, and gentle little hands, cuddles, hugs, diapers (lots of diapers) and milk! We also have had some whining, a little bit of tears when going down to sleep last night, and some quiet moments, in which I know baby K is missing her foster family. But all in all, baby K has been the strongest in all of us. Amidst our tears yesterday at CRIBS, she did so well and didn't even cry. It's as if, she knew she was coming home. Everyone still thinks she looks just like me, including the foster family and the matching committee at CRIBS. During our visit with them, they sweetly affirmed that their decision to match us with our little baby K was a perfect one! I am so grateful that God guided all of those involved with the matching process to unite us. I know God's hand was upon them because, can't remember what our lives were before baby K, nor can imagine having ever existed without her. As I'm writing this, I am listening to her breathing while she sleeps. It takes longer to blog now, because I often have to stop and either plant a kiss on a cheek, gently squeeze chubby little fingers, and just marvel in awe at this wonderful blessing God has bestowed upon Edward and I. Then, I just get down on my knees by her bed and thank my Father in heaven for entrusting us with this amazing little person.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Overwhelmed with joy...pretty much sums it up. I apologize for my lack of eloquence in this post, but the emotions we are feeling right now are so real, intense, raw, and just absolutely amazing. A little over 12 hours ago, we met our daughter. We've seen her pictures and have fallen in love with this beautiful little girl many times over before this day. However, we weren't prepared for just how intense and tremendous the love we would feel for her once we held her in our arms. Baby K is a precious little girl, so full of life and love. When we met her, she opened her arms and reached out to Edward right away. It melted my heart to see our baby girl finally in her Daddy's arms. While Edward was holding her, he brought her to me and she extended the same greeting. We are head over heels in love with baby K. We have waited for this moment for what seems like an eternity now. It may sound cliche, but truly, I can now say with reckless abandon that it was worth every second. My Faith in the Lord has taught me that nothing is a coincidence. God has created this specific path for our family from the start before we even knew it. Though the journey has been long and at times treacherous, it is because of His plans that has led us to this moment...a moment so tender that it brings tears of absolute joy in my heart. I am at this very instant, watching my husband and daughter sleep together, so peacefully, giving me such a God given affirmation that we were always meant to be a family.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
4 hours to go until we meet our daughter! I am filled to the brim with emotions. We have loved her for so long and today we will be given a chance to finally show her just how much. We've put together a goody bag for her of things she might like. It's all in a pink backpack that says: "Dream A Princess Dream". In there we have a purple polka dot dress, a Dora coloring kit, some Dora books, and a Mickey Mouse coloring books, crayons, and a Minnie Mouse and Dora stuffed toy. Of course, we added some organic snacks and a Dora sippy cup. Can you tell she likes Dora? We are excited to meet her but anxious as well. We know that she is in a wonderful foster family, who she is very attached to. I'm feeling some guilt of the grief she will feel when we finally complete the turnover. I guess the mommy instinct has already kicked in, because I already hurt for my little girl. We have prayed about this worry and are trying to focus on the long term future of our family to ease the anxiety. We know that this is something that needs to happen, so that we can bring our forever family together. Thankfully and blessedfully, we know that so many of our friends are praying with us...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
We arrived in Manila safely today at the crack of dawn after a long flight from LA. A perfect symbol for the new beginning that this journey will bring. According to the schedule from ICAB, this is day 1. Nothing happens today, other than our arrival. Tomorrow is our official meeting day with ICAB and CRIBS at the foster family's home. Thinking of going to the nearby mall. According to the reports we received at her referral, baby K is living approximately 5-10 minutes away from where we are staying. According to my friend, who we are staying with here in Dasmarinas Village in Makati, there is a huge playground in the mall where local kiddies like to go on weekends. It's Sunday here, I wonder if my little girl goes there to play. Thinking of going there and in the off chance, spot a beautiful little angel, who is my daughter. Far-fetched, I know...but one can hope, right?
Hello Hawaii!!!! Usually, we'd get off here. Find a beach and plop ourselves down. But today, it's just a re-fueling station. We are getting closer to our little baby K. Our excitement is palpable. The next leg of the journey will take us to Manila, the city where our daughter was born and currently living. Baby K is now just half an ocean away...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Edward and I have been to this airport many times. Usually to some fanciful destination that we conjured up in our travel-bug infested minds. By the time we get to the airport, we are so excited that our senses are already picturing the majestic Eifel Tower, the warm azure waters in Bora Bora, the white sugary beaches of Boracay, the romantic Santorini sunsets, or the serene vaporetto ride in the canals of Venice. These destinations have been so amazing for us. Though we hold the memories dearly, they were fleeting. Eventually, they ended and we came back home to this familiar airport, just the two of us. Today, we are embarking to what will be our most amazing journey yet...parenthood. We are on our way to Manila, where our sweet sweet little girl is waiting for us! Our heavenly Father has bestowed upon us, the blessing of a daughter. I can't think of a more wonderful journey than to be baby K's mommy. Edward and I will fly out tonight to our best destination yet! It's a voyage that will change our lives forever. I will never see this airport quite the same, it is the gateway to the rest of our lives. We will leave here today as a couple, and return as a family!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
and we're off!!! In less than 24 hours, we will be getting on a plane and taking off to cross the Pacific Ocean to finally be united with our daughter!!!! We are excited, happy, nervous, anxious, and just ecstatic! So many emotions rolled into one. Our adoption journey of almost 3 years is on the verge of culminating. We will land in Manila on Sunday and meet our little baby K the following day. After looking at her referral picture and falling in love with her for the first time almost five and a half months ago, we are days away from holding her in our arm and just let her feel our immense love for her. Please keep the three of us in prayer...