That's what I am at is mommy thing. Baby K woke up with a fever this AM, stayed away all day and just returned late this PM. I was literarily so scared and went into panic mode. In fact, I was still pretty labile and teary eyed just now. Oh my goodness, crazy thoughts ran into my head, like what if ICAB hears about this, will they change their minds! Am I a bad mother, I've had her for less than two weeks and now she's sick? Will her foster parents be shaking their head thinking, "tsk, tsk, tsk, she never got sick with us". Will this be mentioned in the post-placement home studies? Will I be the totally incompetent mom, because instead of chartering a private plane, I brought my child home in a commercial plane with hundreds of other people, who all seem like coughing or sniffling or sneezing??? How dare me!!!!
But prayer is awesome and the Lord's palpable presence in our home and family continues to be my saving grace and salvation from my anxious heart. These worries from moment to moment just get such a grip of me. There is such a pressure that I feel to do right by this beautiful beautiful child. I just love her so much that I hurt for her. But I know that I need to trust that God is the mighty healer of all healers and right now, He has His mighty hands on my little girl. I need to continue to trust in Him and not my uncertain" rookie mommy" skills. With the Lord's continued guidance, Edward and I would become the parents that He has ordained for baby K.