Thursday, February 17, 2011


That's what I am at is mommy thing. Baby K woke up with a fever this AM, stayed away all day and just returned late this PM. I was literarily so scared and went into panic mode. In fact, I was still pretty labile and teary eyed just now. Oh my goodness, crazy thoughts ran into my head, like what if ICAB hears about this, will they change their minds! Am I a bad mother, I've had her for less than two weeks and now she's sick? Will her foster parents be shaking their head thinking, "tsk, tsk, tsk, she never got sick with us". Will this be mentioned in the post-placement home studies? Will I be the totally incompetent mom, because instead of chartering a private plane, I brought my child home in a commercial plane with hundreds of other people, who all seem like coughing or sniffling or sneezing??? How dare me!!!!
But prayer is awesome and the Lord's palpable presence in our home and family continues to be my saving grace and salvation from my anxious heart. These worries from moment to moment just get such a grip of me. There is such a pressure that I feel to do right by this beautiful beautiful child. I just love her so much that I hurt for her. But I know that I need to trust that God is the mighty healer of all healers and right now, He has His mighty hands on my little girl. I need to continue to trust in Him and not my uncertain" rookie mommy" skills. With the Lord's continued guidance, Edward and I would become the parents that He has ordained for baby K.


  1. Just keep loving her and rocking her and giving her all the baby feel-goods your mommy friends have recommended to you, Agnes. If nothing else, this is a bonding experience for the two of you. You are truly establishing yourself as Mommy, the one who takes care of her and soothes her when she is sick, and she is learning exactly how "there" you both are for her. Praying for you all and sending more healing vibes. Hope y'all can get some rest!

  2. You need to take a DEEEEEEEP breath, my friend and try to relax a little. Babies get sick all the time. It has nothing to do with your parenting!! There are germs everywhere! You know that! Jen has good advice. If you are a calm, reassuring presence for Kristine in all times of trouble, you will help her get through those times when she is sick or hurt or sad and you two will bond even closer. Remember, no one can teach you to be a good parent. You do the best you can from a place of love. That's the best parenting you can do. Now go give that baby girl a big snuggle.